Kink Talk – What does Compersion mean?
Compersion
Compersion is the feeling of joy or warmth you get from seeing your partner happy with someone else, often described as the opposite of jealousy.
What does Compersion mean?
Compersion is usually traced to the Kerista commune, a polyamorous community in San Francisco in the 1970s and 80s. It means feeling joy when your partner is happy with someone else. It’s often called the opposite of jealousy, though both can show up at once. You might feel a pang when your partner leaves for a date and still smile when they come home glowing. Compersion isn’t limited to sex. It can also be joy about a partner’s new friendship or success.
Can you feel compersion and jealousy at the same time?
Yes, and many people in open relationships do. Feelings aren’t either-or. Jealousy often points to a need, like more reassurance, time or attention, while compersion grows from security and trust. Talking about the jealous part openly, without blaming, is usually what makes room for the joyful part.
How do you develop compersion?
You can’t force it, but you can make space for it by feeling secure in your own relationship first. Keep your agreements clear, check in regularly and make time for each other. Some people find it helps to focus on how happy their partner looks rather than imagining details. And if compersion never shows up, that’s okay too. Many happy non-monogamous people simply feel neutral.