Kink Talk – What does Virginity mean?
Virginity
Virginity is the idea of not yet having had sex, a social concept that people define very differently, and that no body part or test can prove.
What does Virginity mean?
Virginity comes from the Latin “virgo”, which originally referred to an unmarried woman. Today it describes the idea of not yet having had sex, and that idea is far more social than biological. What counts as “sex” differs a lot from person to person. For some it means penis in vagina, for others oral or anal sex counts, and for many queer people the old definition never fit at all. You get to decide what your first time means to you.
Can you tell if someone is a virgin?
No. There is no exam, test or body sign that can prove whether someone has had sex. The idea of the hymen “popping” is a myth. The hymen is a thin, flexible rim of tissue that looks different in everyone, can stretch, and doesn’t simply disappear the first time. Bleeding during a first time is not guaranteed, and if it hurts a lot, that usually means more time, arousal and lube are needed.
How do you prepare for your first time?
Do it only when you really want to, with someone you trust, and with clear consent on both sides. Talk beforehand about what you want and don’t want, and about protection: condoms against STIs, plus contraception if pregnancy is possible. Take your time, use lube, and know you can stop at any point. It’s also fine to wait as long as you like, or to not care about the label at all.