Kink Talk – What does Sexual Script mean?
Sexual Script
A sexual script is a learned set of unwritten rules about how sex is supposed to go, who does what, in which order and what counts as “real” sex.
What does Sexual Script mean?
The idea of sexual scripts comes from the sociologists John Gagnon and William Simon, who introduced it in 1973. Like actors with a script, we learn from culture, media, porn and friends how sex is supposed to go, who does what, in which order and what counts as “real” sex. A typical script in straight sex runs kissing, foreplay, penetration, his orgasm, done. Scripts aren’t bad in themselves, they make things feel familiar. They become a problem when they leave out what you actually enjoy.
How do sexual scripts affect your sex life?
They shape what you expect and what you dare to ask for. If penetration counts as the main event, oral sex, hands or toys turn into a warm-up, and many people with a vulva don’t get the clitoral touch they need to come. That’s one reason for the orgasm gap. Scripts also tell men to always want sex and women to wait to be asked, which puts pressure on everyone.
How do you rewrite your sexual script?
Notice the rules you follow without thinking. Ask yourself and your partner: what would sex look like if nothing had to happen in a fixed order? Talk about what you like, try sex without penetration, let orgasm be optional and take turns initiating. The new script is simply the one you write together.