Kink Talk – What does Limits Talk mean?
Limits Talk
A limits talk is a conversation before play about your hard limits, what you’ll never do, and your soft limits, what you might try under the right conditions.
What does Limits Talk mean?
Limits talk builds on the BDSM community terms hard limit and soft limit, where a hard limit is a firm line and a soft limit is a maybe. In a limits talk you share what you’ll never do and what you might try under the right conditions with the right person. It usually happens before the first scene with someone new and again whenever something changes. Limits can shift over time, so it’s never a one-off talk.
What’s the difference between soft and hard limits?
A hard limit is a no, full stop, and it’s never negotiated in the moment. A soft limit is something you’re hesitant about but might try with trust, care or the right setup. Being tied up might be a soft limit that needs a slow start, for example, while anything involving blood might be a hard one. Both deserve the same respect. Nobody has to explain or justify a hard limit.
How do you have a limits talk?
Choose a calm moment outside the bedroom, with clothes on and no time pressure. Go through activities one by one, or each write a yes, maybe and no list first and compare. Ask what a soft limit needs to become a yes. Write down what you agreed and revisit it after you’ve played together.