Orientations & Identities – What does misgendering mean?
Misgendering
Misgendering is referring to someone with the wrong gender, pronouns or forms of address, such as calling a woman “sir” or using “he” for someone who uses “she”.
What does misgendering mean?
Misgendering combines the English prefix “mis-”, meaning wrongly, with gender. It means referring to someone with the wrong gender, pronouns or forms of address, like “sir” for a woman or “he” for someone who uses “they”. It can happen by accident, out of habit or after a name change, and it can be deliberate, when someone refuses to accept another person’s gender. Accidents happen to everyone. Doing it on purpose is disrespectful and can really hurt.
What should you do if you misgender someone?
Correct yourself, say a quick sorry and move on. Something like “she, sorry” is enough. Don’t make a big scene or explain why it’s hard for you. That puts the pressure on the other person. Practise the right pronouns in your head, and if you’re not sure what someone uses, just ask, or share your own pronouns first.
How do you avoid misgendering a partner in bed?
Ask your partner which words they like for themselves and their body, ideally before things get heated. Some trans and non-binary people love certain terms in a sexy moment and find others jarring. Words for body parts, being called a good girl or good boy, or roles like daddy can all land very differently. Agreeing on them helps everyone relax, and checking in again later shows you care.