Orientations & Identities – What do common lesbian slang terms mean?
Lesbian Slang
Lesbian slang is the informal vocabulary of lesbian and sapphic communities, with words for gender expression like butch, femme, stem and stud, and in-jokes like the U-Haul lesbian or the myth of lesbian bed death.
Why is so much lesbian slang about style?
Many terms, from butch and femme to stem and futch, describe gender expression: how masculine or feminine someone looks and acts. Butch and femme grew out of lesbian bar culture in the mid-20th century, where they were a visible way to find each other. Stud comes from Black lesbian culture.
Do you have to pick a label?
No. These words are tools, not boxes. Some people identify strongly as butch or femme, others shift between styles or ignore the categories completely. Jokes like the U-Haul lesbian are affectionate inside the community but can sting coming from outsiders, so read the room.
What do common lesbian slang terms mean?
14Butch
Butch describes a queer person, most often a lesbian, whose gender expression is masculine in style, look or attitude, as a proud identity of its own.
Chapstick Lesbian
Chapstick Lesbian describes a lesbian with a sporty, low-key and casual style, think sneakers, jeans and lip balm instead of lipstick, somewhere between a lipstick lesbian and a butch.
Femme
Femme describes a queer person, often a lesbian or bi woman, who expresses their gender in a feminine way and embraces that femininity as part of their queer identity.
Futch
Futch describes a lesbian or queer person whose style and gender expression sit between femme and butch, mixing feminine and masculine elements in a way that feels true to them.
Gold Star
Gold star is slang for a gay man or lesbian who has never had sex with someone of another gender, a label some wear proudly and others criticise as divisive.
Lesbian Bed Death
Lesbian bed death is the much-criticised claim that sex fades in long-term lesbian relationships more than in other couples, based mostly on narrow, outdated ways of counting sex.
Lipstick Lesbian
Lipstick Lesbian describes a lesbian with a classically feminine look and style, think makeup, dresses or long hair, and the label overlaps closely with femme.
Pillow Princess
Pillow Princess is slang for someone who prefers receiving pleasure in bed and rarely or never reciprocates, often lying back while their partner does the work.
Sapphic
Sapphic is an umbrella word for women and non-binary people who are attracted to women, whether they are lesbian, bi, pan or queer.
Soft Butch
Soft butch describes a lesbian, sapphic or queer person whose style and vibe lean masculine like butch, but with softer, more feminine touches in look, manner or attitude.
Stem
Stem is a lesbian identity and style that sits between stud and femme, mixing masculine and feminine expression, used especially in Black and Latina queer communities.
Stone
Stone describes a queer person, often a butch lesbian, who prefers giving sexual pleasure and doesn’t want to be touched, or only in limited ways.
Stud
Stud is a term for a masculine-presenting lesbian, rooted in Black and Latina lesbian communities in the US, close to butch but with its own culture.
U-Haul Lesbian
U-Haul lesbian is a running joke and meme about lesbian and sapphic couples who move in together very quickly, sometimes after just a few dates.